2 GIRLS and a BLOG

I know in a world of blogs this one is nothing

2009-03-20T21:18:00.001-04:00

WHY did I decide to come back and blog and maybe drag my friends back too?

ALL the blogs we read are so boring and about the same thing. I MISS 2 Girls and BLOG for my own sake.

Girls come back out and play PLEASE??? I miss you so much!

How about a countdown from JUST what happened last year even though we have not posted in about 2 years? (2006).

Okay READ the next post for an update...

WHY do Lesbians have to stare so hard?

2009-03-20T20:57:00.001-04:00

I was going through all the pictures that woman take that they claim they are lesbians and I SWEAR the lesbian stare is harder, fiercer and more annoying than the "side-eye".

What is there problem?

...AND WE'RE BACK

2007-10-03T15:41:00.000-04:00

Velma and two girls have been on hiatus but we're back!! It seems like it has been forever since my last post and I've got so much to share!!

I had my son in August 2006 and he is getting soooo BIG!! but then again, so is Velma (Jenny Craig, holla atcha girl!!)

I'm back to work and I have a new boss that we've lovingly dubbed "Errum" since he precedes every statement with "Errum" and holds his fingers in a triangle (think of Loomis Simmons from "In Living Color")

Just got back from vacation in St Lucia- beeauuuutiful island, bootleg Hotel.
The bartenders and cleaning staff were on their grind but the restaurants were closed 80% of the time we were there and the food service staff sucked. FYI, if you smoke, bring a carton with you as they did not sell menthol cigarettes and velma was feening for a drag. We met alot of cool Europeans and my hubby got humped by some drunken heifer who looked like she rode the little bus to school (Hilarious!!!!)

I did feel bad that their prime Minister passed. I learned alot about the Island while watching local tv there (even got to watch my Law and Order (dun dun)

The craziest thing was they had an earthquake the week I arrived (I missed that, thank God!!)

Anyway, I got back in one peice and I'm back at work until my next vacay.

I look forward to seeing what the other two girls have to say!!

VELMA'S BACK!

2006-12-23T00:39:00.000-05:00

It's been a few months but I'm back on the scene. I was reading CL’S TOP 15 ‘HOT ASS MESSES’ OF 2006 and lmao...for some reason it made me think of our practically defunct blog. Here's a quick update:

1. I had a healthy 8 lb. 7 oz baby boy by C-section and cried like a lil biatch when I got the epidural!! Never again. (SEE #2)

2. My husband got neutered..Thank God, I hate condoms (SEE #1)

3. I'm playing every lottery in the tri-state area as a means of making money so that I don't have to go back to work. Is this a sound business plan? Of course not but i'm under the gun here, people. Work sucks and I'm only going back to keep the bill collector's at bay. Lol

4. Curtis was fired shortly after my previous post, "Snake Oil Salesmen and the Minions that work for them..." Fitch azz bucker.

5. My new boss moved me away from the stalker woman I used to sit next to. Another ~~princess~~ woman wanted my seat and they gave it to her since i'm out on leave. How special. Be careful what you wish for.

That's enough for now.

Happy Chrisma-hanu-kwanza-ka

Ed Norton is hot.

2006-10-02T10:23:00.000-04:00

Long time no blog!

I was up last night watching American History X after watching that new show time series Dexter (which was interesting minus a couple of actors who where over-acting...typical Showtime behavior).

I am just amazed at how Ed Norton can make a black girl such as myself think that a skin head looks sexy. Look:

Holy moly! Of course the shower scene was awful but he took the rape like a man:

Velma's in the Home Stretch

2006-08-16T17:21:00.000-04:00

I guess our blog is all but defunked as the other two girls move on to bigger and better things. Oh well, Velma always has something to say.

I'm about 2 weeks away from bringing another child into this world and it couldn't get here sooner!!! I'm tipping the scale at just over two hunned and my feet are so swoll, I have to wait for them to go down so I can put my shoes on and go to the damn store. Have mercy, it is not a pretty picture. I keep telling my hubby that you mut really love me to still wanna vodi do dough (any Laverne and Shirley fan will know I went way back for that one)...... 'cause I damn sure have no interest whatsoever in anything he is offering that isn't flame broiled or made by Haggen Dazz. If you ain't got something I can eat, stay the heck away from me, lol.

God has blessed me with a good pregnancy and very little issues so I will not complain (this is usuallly my specialty as I am known as the mayor of Harper valley, but I will abstain for the time being)

But after I have my surgery, it will be on!!Velma is on leave for six months and I will have 2 in school and a newborn and four year old home at the same time--A first for me as I spaced out the other three several years apart. Yall know I will have a multitude of crap to complain about. The other "two girls" will have to save me from the insanity that will be my life.

Atleast I will be able to drink wine again--I am going to try and leave the smoking behind.

Until then, wish me luck!

PET PEEVES

2006-04-03T21:36:00.000-04:00

Is it me or are people basically sadistic? I have a few pet peeves and I only reveal them to a chosen few--either you are committing the "no-no" and I need to tell you so that you'll stop or else I might have to choke you or I plan to spend time in your presence and wouldn't like it spoiled by you doing something that might give me the urge to beat you about the head.

Sometimes I may tell you freely what I dislike because we are having a conversation about the subject. I'd only tell you if I liked you or if I did't think you were psychotic and might use the onformation against me.

I am sometimes wrong.. Like today.

I revealed my biggest hangup/pet peeve to my cube mate last week. I did notice that she likes to do little things to be annoying. She will sometimes make little noises (I hate them) but will stop after a few seconds once she has gotten a few snickers out, no biggie. I mean I'm not Monkish or anything, I can take a little ribbing and I understand that sometime people are childish and must do stupid ish. People can be yelling all around me and I can ignore them but start clicking and unclicking a pen??? I may have to push your wig back.

My point...my cubemate committed one of the most heinous of my pet peeves..she did so for like 5 minutes and then enlisted the help of the old bat who sits behind her by inlcuding her in the conversation. After she was done, she had the nerve to ask me why I was quiet?

You can not be that freaking dumb?

Here are the facts:

I just told your azz about it last week so unless you have alzheimers, you could not have forgotten so quickly.
We discussed it at length
Most people don't like you and I am your only work friend..do you really want to piss me off just to feed some deep rooted need to get enjoyment from my misery??

Okay part of it was funny..they kept going on and on as if i weren't sitting there. I envisioned myself hurling the extra chair in my cubicle at their heads ( I think HR might have been downstairs in like 3 minutes yelling "Black woman going postal on the second floor--Get the S.W.O.T. team"

Are some on my idiosyncrocies anal?? Yes... I recognize this and knowing is half the battle. But as my friend, do you need to tease me about them?

That biotch is out of the circle of trust!

but then again I'm pregnant and hormonal..I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Money, money, money,money.. Monnnnney!!

2006-02-16T18:08:00.000-05:00

Is it me or is everyone having Caviar dreams and Champaigne wishes?? The Power Ball Lottery is at $365 Million!!!! I don't even know what I'd do with all that money but I do know that I would want to share it. I woke up this morning thinking about the lottery (since I do have a ticket- ya gotta be in it...) and concluded that I would want to claim the prize with my mom and all her siblings and my hubby's parents and their siblings (We'd be a group of about 12 people). This way, they would be responsible for dishing out funds to their children/grandchildren. No one could come crying to me about not receiving a fair amount nor do I have to be involved. The only group that I would have to give money to are my grandparents living brothers and sisters which is no biggee. Even if I split the prize with these relatives and we only brought home 14.5 million apiece (you don't actually get the $365 Million) that amount is more than any of us would have made in our entire life times. We don't have any rocket scientists or surgeons in this bunch! (yet)Spreading the wealth might ensure that someone is going to invest wisely and maybe our great grandchildren will live comfortably??
Of course, hubby does not feel so generous and doesn't agree with my thinking. Am I wrong?

At this point, I would even take the 2nd top prize;
pay off my mortgage
and credit card bills
STOP WORKING
..and stay home with my kids!!

You may be thinking but the second prize is only about $200K? I don't need to be rich; if the mortgage is paid and all the credit card bills are paid, we could live off of my husband's salary quite well--what bills would we have??

As it stands now I need to win something with baby number four on the way. I'm going to PA either friday or saturday to get another ticket.

Baby needs a new pair of shoes

A FLUCK BUDDY

2006-01-23T21:15:00.000-05:00

We can all say is all we want is someone to have sex with and then we get and it and we are not happy. I mean yes happy but is it really what we wanted? How come we have to wait for that someone to call and if we make the call their response is are you feining this? no but it would be nice to here from you more than just for a booty call. im not saying this person is relationship material...honestly how would i even know when all i know is ya bed?? and atleast call more than just that night u want a piece and yes its a good piece.....i checked it on the TWO GIRLS AND A BLOG RULER. We love to use the ruler. Does your man size up??

Velma's Havin' a baby!!

2006-01-18T10:18:00.000-05:00

The funny this is that you would think that once you are older and married, it wouldn't be a big deal to tell people--What do you care what people think?

This is not always the case. So many people want to give their damn opinion and put their two cents in Like I'm gonna go broke with out it!

Velma has a few children already; who's business is it if I have another? My husband and I support them all, work full time, go to college at night and vacation regularly. We do not receive any sort of public assistance (although I do love the WIC program!!) so why judge me if I'm handling mine?

Why can't people just say congratulations instead of:

Wooooow, #4?? They say this while looking at you with this constipated stare like damn, they don't have TV where you live??

My favorite "Don't use this opportunity to just eat anything you want as an excuse" This coming from a skinny bitch whom I love but has the sensitivity of a moron. God gave her two kids at once because he knew she wasn't giving up her shape for another brat! I on the other hand KNOW that this is the perfect opportunity to eat what the fluck I want and work it off later. My hubby is still chasing me around the kitchen grabbing and squeezing my 164 lb azz..when he stops that, I might start to worry!! Until then, don't worry about my weight, I am obviously getting some-I did say I was pregnant, right?!!!

I want to enjoy my last pregnancy (Yes this is the last, I am not totally insane) So mind your business and get me something to eat!! The only thing I want to hear coming out of people's mouths are "Do you want a pickle with that?"

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Visit Haiti

2006-01-13T22:21:00.000-05:00

"You hear so much just about the danger and the fear and then you come here and you meet just an amazing people," said Jolie, a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations. "Given just a little chance, and given a little help, this is going to be a great country."

Jolie, 30, and Pitt, 42, visited a school supported by Yele Haiti, a charity founded by Haitian-born hip-hop musician Wyclef Jean, where they watched children dance and recite poetry.

Wow. We must say that these two are IT.

Not that we should be surprised.

Who can we compare them to?

John Lennon & Yoko Ono? Nelson and Winnie Mandela(before the hype)?

The year is OVER

2005-12-29T20:05:00.000-05:00

And good riddance to 2005. It was nothing but trouble. Like a boyfriend your parents told you not to date and you did anyway and they purposely did not say "I told you so" so that it could echo in your mind...over and over. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Watch Video:

IM ON IT (Purple Ribbon Allstars And Big Boi)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

We need some New Years resolutions. NOW. We need to be On it...but naturally.

What's good?

I. Exercise
II. Self appreciation
III. Less imbibing in alcohol/cigarettes

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM US to YOU

2005-12-25T11:08:00.000-05:00

TODAY is J.C.'s B-Day(allegedly, some of us think he is a Pisces). Let's see what the stars say about his day:

CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)

If you don't turn off the cell phone, the pager and anything else that connects you to work, even your closest loved ones won't forgive you. Why risk it? Take the day off -- the whole, entire day.

Oh yeah, let's not forget:

Here are some things we HATE in a very player hater type way and can admit to on Festivus:

TOO TIRED of these two already.

Mom Fights Downloading Suit on Her Own

Instead of concentrating on killers, rapists, etc the FCC or whoever is doing this is focusing on people who don't even use their computer. This world is fucked up. Speaking of which:

Gov't Probes $39M in Katrina Aid Charges you can read the whole story here but the messed up thing is "The spending also included $150,000 worth of Jockey underwear, six nail clippers and $3,200 for golf carts"

Now how did those get in there???

I hope we have stories to tell about today tomorrow?

Happy Holidays!

SNAKE OIL SALES MEN AND THE MINIONS THAT WORK FOR THEM

2005-12-14T22:48:00.000-05:00

VELMA is buying her first new car tomorrow and this has been the best experience Ever. The sales person was really nice and I walked away feeling like a winner.

I wish that were my life, but as you can tell from the title of my post, it probably was not.

I wanted to give the sales man "Greg" an edge up- Badly. he looked tore up from the floor up

.. most importantly, I wanted to pimp slap Bitch azz "Curtis" the finance manager who proceeded to discuss my credit report in front of my in laws as a means of getting back at me for bringing them in the first place. Something didn't feel right about the numbers they were giving me so I called in the big guns to help.
When mom in law called him on his figures, he wasn't too happy. The next time we sat in front of him, I thought everything was a done deal--They called the next morning to apologize for the "confusion"- offered to give me a higher amount for my trade in, so I was cool with that. When we rolled up 7 deep (in-laws, hubby and kids) Gey Cockatoo Curtis says "Since you guys have been here since the beginning, I wanted to make you aware of what i'm doing and ask you a few questions.

I am buying the car, they are just there for moral support and a second pair of eyes, why was this fool directing ANY of his conversation their way?

At this point I could have sworn I was on Law and Order *dun dun*, he hit me with the
"Can you explain why you had 4 late payments in the last four years but nothing in two years?" I was thinking "bitch, are you serious??" I haven't paid it late in two freaking years but you want to know what happened back then? Like I give a flying Fluck

Then he pulls this one out his azz:

"It seems like in 2000 you had a judgement against you for $99 for a medical bill, do you know what that was for?"

Butt muncher if I knew, do you think I would have let something go to collections for freaking $99?? I obvioulsy flucked up and ignored the bill and since they didn't hound me, I kept it movin'. Was it the right thing to do? Probably not, but whatever, I don't need a lesson in credit 101 from Curt the Jerk IN FRONT OF MY IN-LAWS.

And here's the Piece Des Resistance:

"I see that you are on this credit card with someone else; *in a conspiritorial lowering of the voice* "If I were you, I would get off of it because they had a few late payments and it's bringing down your credit rating."
Is anyone rolling besides me? I am married, who else would I be on this card with besides my husband??? That bitch azz tried to get at me in front of my inlaws with an extra little kicker in it for my mother in law (for calling his shiesty butt out) by trying to say her son has flucked up credit.

From his little tirade, he would lead you to believe that I had terrible credit. It ain't great but damn, it's close to 700, can he stop acting like my azz is 1 step from chapter 11?

Biotch, I was already preapproved by my own financial institution, I don't need you for anything, I just wanted to see if I coud get a better rate.

The sad thing is he accomplished what he set out to do. The inlaws are looking at me twisted like I'm bringing down their bourgeois baby boy with my ghetto azz.

I'm still buying the car because it's a good deal and I don't have time to invest researching another vehicle that has all of the stuff that I looked for.

Very few people can get at me and really have it bother me but Gey Cockatoo Curtis got at me and won...

for now

Mr.Richard Pryor has left the building...

2005-12-10T22:10:00.000-05:00

R.I.P. once again to a fellow Sag who happened to be born the same day as me!
Brilliantly funny and succesful in turning tragedy into triumph. He was a great pioneer in the comedic world as well as for black people in television. His exploits are imitated time and time again:

"Pryor continued performing safe, toothless comedy for another couple of years, but during a 1970 Las Vegas appearance he snapped; in the middle of the routine, he rhetorically asked "What am I doing here?" and walked offstage, effectively going underground and playing only small black clubs for much of the early part of the decade." (Dave Chappelle)

"in June, 1980 Pryor nearly burned to death, a mishap variously attributed to a freebasing accident and a misguided attempt at suicide. A long recovery period followed, as he struggled both to kick his longtime drug habit and rediscover his creative energies; a trip to Africa ultimately renewed him spiritually, and he returned to America a new man"(Dave Chappelle)

"he made headlines that New Year's Eve for drunkenly shooting up his wife's car. The incident became the basis of his opening routine for 1978's Wanted: Live in Concert, an ambitious two-record set which led to the 1979 feature Richard Pryor: Live in Concert" (Martin Lawrence)

"It was a wiser, more mature Pryor who resurfaced in 1982 with the film and album Live on the Sunset Strip, in which he discussed both his brush with death and his odyssey to Africa." (Jaime Foxx)

The movie will be highly anticipated from this camp although we are not sure about Mike Epps playing Richard Pryor?

Mike Epps is Day-day for goodness sake:

"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." -(Stone Temple Pilots)

2005-11-28T18:59:00.000-05:00

This month is extremely depressing. 2 Girls and a Blog lost someone who we did not speak to regularly but our memories of him are very fond.

Since we all work together we all remember him as the first person to approach us and offer some semblance of camaraderie. For this we are eternally grateful considering how cutthroat and clique' this business world can be.

He was also someone who would see you sad and try and come up with a funny joke just to put a smile on your face. He was a Sagittarius (he just missed his B-day by the way). He would take the brunt of the joke just to make sure you laughed.

Of course we will not make this blog space an obituary (Although it's an idea. We have to check with the blog etiquette and see if that is appropriate) but we will say that this quote fits him (at least in our view)

Be of good cheer about death and know this as a truth
--that no evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death.
- Socrates

He was a good person.

R.I.P.

Part I: Love HURTS...What happens when he doesn't call back?

2005-11-22T19:12:00.000-05:00

Since we have not addressed these shallow issues in a very long time we figure now is a better time than any. Also blog world is going to be extremly busy this holiday because as much as we love our family, 24 hours or more with them drives a lot of us nuts.

Here we go.

What happens when:

you are really feeling some guy
you both express the mutual attraction
you feel like you are ready to lay on a bed spread eagle for him

...he turns around and says "I don't want to ruin our friendship so let's not get physical"?

We went to get the answers from I Village.UK because whatever our friends where telling us (male and female) just made us more depressed. Here is what I Village thinks is the answer to that type of question:

In the end, you always have to leave it up to the other person to make up their own mind if they want to see you or not. You can't make this man go out with you. He's given you the brush off. He probably did like you and his 'problem' is simply that he doesn't like you as much as you like him. It's very disappointing, of course, but you have to pick yourself up and start all over again. Be brave and try to resist the urge to call him.

We hate I Village sometimes...

Listen to their other advice about how to get a man:

I Village says: Learn to do something that will easily ingratiate you with a new man. Astrology works on most people so all you need to do is memorise a few key details about each of the signs of the Zodiac and drop them into your conversation. Offer to do the man’s chart – if he has any interest in the subject he’ll swap numbers immediately. If you sense that this isn’t a flyer with him, switch to palmistry, graphology or Feng Shui.

2 Girls and a Blog says: Give his boy a lap dance when your all out (figure a way to get them all out) and he will be so jealous he will itch to get next to you.

I Village says: Tempt him with your contacts. Allude to people you know who might be able to help him in his career or hobbies.

2 Girls and a Blog says: Let him know that you have the potential to make more money than him because you are waaaay smarter. Also allude to the fact that your dad has mob connections and can get his legs broken (if need be).

I Village says: Pretend to have tickets for whatever he’s interested in – theatre, sports, anything that leads to that crucial follow up call.

2 Girls and a Blog says: Yeah and then when he calls and asks "What time are we leaving?" act like you gave the tickets to another cuter bigger dicked man.

I Village says: Ask him for his expertise in something that interests you. Ask for help and flatter him mercilessly – men like that.

2 Girls and a Blog says: Yeah ask him advice for everything and then when he falls for your fawning and bootlicking convince him you like anal sex when given and received. When he agrees threaten to tell all his friends he is likes to take it in the ass- straight men don't like that so you should have him under your thumb for at least 6 months.

Moral of all this is, pick someone who likes you more than you like him. It's what mother's have been saying for generations.

Or another saying:

Fuck em all, watch em fall screamin, automatic gunfire
exorcisin all demons
- Tupac Shakur (Me and my girlfriend)

Terrell Owens = A Lack of Class

2005-11-09T11:18:00.000-05:00

Well for all you football fans out there I'm sure you are well aware of the Terrell Owens football situation. How is he gonna say his team has a lack of class?

Two Girls says: TO you are a lack of class. You think that Brett Favre is a better quarterback than Donovan McNabb then ya know what go play for him.

McNabb called a team meeting the other day and gave you a chance to apologize to him and ya teammates but you didn't. But now that your pocket will be affected and the chance u many never play again has arose now you want to offer the team and McNabb an apology. You should have done it right the first time. You should have kept ya mouth shut.

Two Girls Says: He should be penalized for his actions.

"It really hurts me not to be part of the team anymore," Owens said. Hmm did you think the Eagles would be happy about the statements you made last week or in the past?

Two Girls says: Give it up TO. U made a "mistake"! Now be a big boy and deal with it! The Eagles are bedda off without you and ya fucking comments!

Shut the f*ck up already!!!

2005-11-02T20:37:00.000-05:00

Okay, we don't usually do this but...

Today on the Angie Martinez show (Hot 97) Kanye West decided to really show his ass!

He told Angie and the listeners (and we quote but not word for word):

Whenever I open my mouth to say something, the public can't handle it so I rather speak out in my music and then people can listen to it over and over and get the message I am trying to send subliminally.

The thoughts that run through my mind are too deep for the people so I can only be taken in small doses.

The show can't be over because I am on the phone, just keep me here and then when I am through you can ask your boss for a raise because you just had an interview with me.

SHUT.THE.F*CK.UP.

All you said was "George Bush doesn't like black people"

Are you serious?

Kanye West thinks he is Cornel West. The WEST has him fooled.

He is nothing short of a lucky ass who happened to say an ignorant statement that became famous because people where ready to grab onto any issue but the real problem at hand (then hurricane Katrina).

He was on stage with Mike Meyers and Chris Tucker...When is the last time THEY did anything? It was a free-for-all to begin with. He did not respect them which prompted him to act the f*ck up.

C'mon man, you are not the voice of the people...

I'm Back!!

2005-10-28T11:16:00.000-04:00

After a short hiatus (and after getting spoken to by my fellow blogmates) I've decide to post. You asked for it:

7 Things I Plan to Do Before I Die:
Visit Europe
Get a degree in Psychology
Save money for my children’s education
Understand my mother
Understand my son
Find out more of my family history
Hit the damn lottery

7 Things I Can Do:
Bake a mean cookie/dessert
Do Hair
Several tricks with my tongue
Sing in the shower/car/kitchen
Give good advice
Empathize
Talk you to death

7 Things I Can NOT Do:
Stop smoking
Stop giving money to my grubbing friends
Get over anything (I am the mayor of Harper Valley)
Get my azz to work on time consistently
Stop telling all my business (goes back to empathizing “Girrl, I know what you mean, just the other day….)
Understand my mother
Keep in touch with friends and family that I don’t see weekly

7 Things That Attract Me to the Opposite Sex:
Hair
Eyes
Attitude
Smile
Conversation
Humor
Sex appeal

7 Things I Say Most Often:
What the fuck?
Mother fucker
50 million as in “I don’t have time for that crap, I have like 50 million things to do”
Fucking shit
Monkey butt lovin’
Curse words (if it isn’t already obvious, I curse like a sailor)
I love you (at least 2 times a day to my kids and hubby)

7 Celebrity Crushes:
The Rock
Brad Pitt
Terrence Howard
Mekhi Phifer
Idris “Stringer Bell” Elba
Jeffrey Wright (sometimes)
Will Smith (sometimes)

People I Want To Do This:
http://www.pimpinainte-z.blogspot.com

2,000th American Soldier Died in Combat

2005-10-26T10:26:00.000-04:00

This is really getting out of control. Why are we over there again? To stop the terrorist who hate us for our freedom?

Is there a reasoning behind the death of 2,000 young men and women? When we are needed (Darfur etc.) we can not be counted on to protect people.

We received an interesting e-mail this morning that quoted part of the islamic bible (we will not write it for fear of being googled):

verse( 9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

So we are just puppets acting out scenes from well written literature?

TAGGED and Loving it!

2005-10-16T15:25:00.000-04:00

Okay we have been tagged by the utterly fabulous Trini Girl a./k./a. Just another Girl on the IRT.

I will start. Velma will follow. Moosh should do this on her blog.

7 Things I Plan to Do Before I Die:

Sky Dive. I like the idea therefore I will do.
Visit Africa. Cliche for a black person but I girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!
Listen and actually understand Maya Angelou. Currently I don't understand her and have no desire to.
Date a white man. At least one date. I meet them all the time. Why not date one?
Adopt a dog.
Visit an asian country.
Start a clinic for underprivledged people.
Not care about about what society deems beautiful.

7 Things I Can Do:

Sing...although I choose not too because I hate attention.
Play piano...need accompanionment right?
Start a helluva project...just can't finish.
Write a letter (you don't know the value of this talent until you have to write one).
Keep the peace.
Research.
Drink (YES this is an attribute).

7 Things I Can NOT Do:

Keep my mouth shut.
Focus on one thing at a time.
Pay bills.
Remember things.
Stop drinking.
Finish what I started.
Stay away from black boys.

7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex:

Shape of back.
Smell.
Walk.
Articulation of words.
Simpleness.
Strength of backbone.
Attention to family.

7 Things I Say Most Often:

Bootleg.
Whatever.
Some people are raised by wolves.
Not everyone was raised with manners.
You can't fight everyone's battles.
People don't change, situation's do.
Ya wanna biscuit?

7 Celebrity Crushes:

Morris Chestnut
Idris Elba
Larenz Tate
Adibisi from OZ (real name too much to write)
Christoper Meloni
Olivier Martinez
Al Pacino (no judgement please!)

People I Want To Do This:
Moosh
Velma

Rain rain go away......

2005-10-15T21:07:00.000-04:00

It's been raining so much (I think like a week straight) but I feel too guilty to complain about the local flooding...it's nothing like they got in New Orleans..but damn

What's good? What's not!

2005-10-04T14:38:00.000-04:00

2 Girls and a Blog would like to introduce you to He got game. A friend of ours. New so be nice.

What's Good!

Karl Malone and his crew bulldoze through bureaucracy to help victims. The former NBA all-star and a crew from his logging company in Arkansas spent two weeks in Pascagoula, Miss., hauling away debris left by Hurricane Katrina.

This after FEMA telling him no thanks, and they did this free of charge. Read more...

We always thought he was one of the cutest things.

Sorry, 50 Cent is always good. We really don't see why people are complaining? If he did not get ghetto in Milan would he still be Fiddy? We think not.

What is NOT Good:

Fantasia can't read or was it all a hoax? We still don't know. Even in jest that is not cool. Not in the year 2005 where you can even learn to read by watching the TV and having words spelled out to you (PBS,Nick Jr.).

People who drink other peoples breast milk are GROSS.

(read the story, Charlize Theron drank the milk not gave it you perverts!)

Paris Hilton. We are tired of her and her stupid antics. She needs to be boycotted. Seriously.

FRIENDS THAT MOOCH

2005-10-02T22:32:00.000-04:00

Two girls and a blog wants to know how people can live their lives being moochers. C'mon get a job and pay ya own damn bills. helping a friend out once and awhile is ok but when you have the same friend who keeps coming back it becomes a problem. especially when they can never return the favor cause they got nuttin. the problem we all have is saying no. they always find a way to butter you into giving something even if its not exactly what they wanted. it may just be enough to get them on their feet but they still acting greedy after you help em out. another problem is when you tell em listen stop asking cause its a done deal after this time but you know their broke asses neva stop. so how do you deal with these types? do you just cut them off completely??

Bill Bennett says, "abort every black baby in this country"

2005-09-30T09:57:00.000-04:00

Taken from Media Matters for America

Bill Bennett: "[Y]ou could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down"
Addressing a caller's suggestion that the "lost revenue from the people who have been aborted in the last 30 years" would be enough to preserve Social Security's solvency.

Bill Bennett dismissed such "far-reaching, extensive extrapolations" by declaring that if "you wanted to reduce crime ... if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." Bennett conceded that aborting all African-American babies "would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do," then added again, "but the crime rate would go down."

The man is entitled to his opinion and obviously he has quite a few people who are in agreement. Here are some facts that make what he said and that fact that he feels this way quite scary:

Bill Bennett's Morning in America airs on approximately 115 radio stations.

He has an estimated weekly audience of 1.25 million listeners.

He served as United States Secretary of Education from 1985 to 1988.

Member of the Project for the New American Century(sounds like a branch of the Klan).

On a television show, he said that a listener's suggestion to behead drug dealers would be 'morally plausible'.(does this include the legal ones like doctors?)

In 2003, it became widely known that he was a high-stakes gambler who had lost millions of dollars in Las Vegas...But he claims he has this under control, just like someone who drinks a lot of alcohol.

Point being this is a man who has power in America.

He represents a public consensus.

That is scary.

VH1's Hip-Hop Awards show...

2005-09-27T20:30:00.000-04:00

We totally had to jump on the bandwagon of everyone else blogging about this.

I mean most of the rappers who we adored where performing! To get the complete listing of who was awarded please check out Nastack who explains hip-hop well!

Anyway, we have a little commentary to add:

Darkness in all his splendor!His flat top ruled in '89 . He lost weight and is back to his old self. He still looks good.

What look is Ice-T trying to accomplish? Hard core because he has no sleeves?
Which leads us to his wife, Coco. Why?

How much make-up is LL wearing? Or is it permanent? The mascara was a nice touch though. Also his wife needs to stop. Why are you hanging on so damn tight? You have fifteen kids for the man...

Either Jazz looks good or we are getting old?

We don't care what anyone says, David Banner is attractive.

And here is our GIRL Wendy Williams!
All that plastic surgery and this is what you have to offer viewers? Scary...

Kwame is cute!

ANYWAY The Office is on. This shit is hilarious!

I'm Rich Beyotch!!!!

2005-09-26T23:10:00.000-04:00

A Kenyan man just swore in to get his citizenship for America and denounced his homeland in Africa and guess what? He won the lotto.

WOW! This is all 2 Girls and a Blog can say. This is amazing.

Can he drop his wife now or is it too soon?

Whatever. Let's keep tabs on this character.

If we won the lottery quiet would be kept.

No announcing shit to the media.
No telling the spouse.
...And Especially NO telling the government. Shit. Dummy.

You are now the King...of the jungle.

We where wrong about "My name is Earl"

2005-09-22T22:10:00.000-04:00

Okay, the show is funny. Jason Lee (cutie that he is) is funny.

The show can go on forever! It's just like Joe Dirt.

This TV season is going to be quite interesting. Hopefully the reality tv craze is dying down (soooooo over)?

So 2 Girls and a Blogs say bring on the cold weather because we already have a listing of MUST SEE TV to keep us occupied:

The Office

The antics of Dunder-Mifflin is straight out of any office in America (and worldwide since it began in the UK). The season started out with the office IDIOT telling the ladies that they would not get bathroom privledges if they did not tell him what was written on the wall, of the the ladies bathroom. Okay just watch it.

ROME on HBO
This is a great show. It even makes up for ending 6 Feet Under (well a little). Of course it follows along with the whole violence, cussing and sex that we look forward to watching on HBO. This show is right up there with OZ in all it's sordidness.

Something we thought was interesting. If you have ever seen Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love then you will recognize this woman (this movie is highly recommended by the way, it usually plays on IFC).

Finally she is getting the recognization she deserves!

Curb Your Enthusiam
Is coming back. Larry...Larry David is back and he looks fierce (what episode was that from?). He'd better be funny because he has not missed the mark yet.

Weeds is actually a funny show. It's on Showtime and Velma suggested it (since some of us can't leave HBO). You can't go wrong when a mother looks at her teenage daughter and says "I should have had an abortion" (OUT LOUD!!!!)on the very first episode. We're hooked.

Everybody hates Chris

It's Chris Rock. Enough said.

Nip Tuck

Is back. We missed the second half of the first episode. Fell asleep. Was it any good?

We thought Christian was dead. Noooooooooo! But it was just a dream. Damn them.

HBO needs to steal that script from boring old Fox right away! We need more nudity (especially with the doctors that we love so much *sigh*).

We are still wondering why they let "The Comeback" have a whole season (story taken from The Corsair)?
What was that about? Well it will be no more very soon (it hurt to watch that show).

A day of Mourning & Laughter

2005-09-20T08:43:00.000-04:00

Today, Velma is in mourning for her Grand M'Ma; she passed yesterday. I had previously posted that I wanted a return to how things used to be but of course we can never go back. My eyes are swollen and dry as all hell from crying but I laughed alot yesterday as well. If you are like our typical family, when you all get together for family events (cookouts,funerals, weddings) it can sometimes be a three ring circus.

We were gathered in the lobby of the hospital waiting for other family members to arrive before they removed grand m'ma's life support and there were my aunts and uncle talking about the people passing by :

"Look, look, do you see that? Now you know she ain't right for wearing that short ass shirt with all that belly hanging out"
"Pleeease, you missed that other girl in the flip flops with them tight azz shorts-Unt unnn no she didn't"

Velma is sitting there dying because it all seems surreal. We were about to say goodbye to one of the most important women/people in all of our lives and there we sat talking about folks; but hey, that's my family--you gotta love 'em.

Can I just talk about how my 2nd cousin and husband work at the hospital. Obviously her mother wanted an update on her sister's condition so she sent the son inlaw back down to the hospital after hours Sunday night. Earlier (while they were all there) my immediate family asked that there be no more visitor's as grand m'ma was a private person and as her condition worsened, she looked horrible--we didn't want them gawking . Anyhoo, this fool gets the update, reports back to his mother in law and common law wife of like 30 years--what the fluck are they waiting for??-- and then proceeds to come by my family's house (stumbling and drunk- and says the following-

"You know I loved your mother-*slur slur*-and I love you too *attempts to stand and give a hug, misses the chair when sitting back down- he's about 6'3"* I just came from the hospital and things don't look good at all, she looks bad. I just want to say I'm sorry and give you my condolensces"

WTF?? She wasn't dead yet you azz!! Velma had to suppress a laugh as my Uncle is very sensitive when it comes to his mom but that ish was funny as all hell!!!

Please check out "Daddy's dying...Whose got the will?" to glimpse what the next few days will be like for Velma. I think it will be that and "Kindom Come" all rolled up into one. It should be HILARIOUS!

Laughing is much better than crying.

Mice Infected With Bubonic Plague Missing

2005-09-15T19:11:00.000-04:00

This shit is not funny at all!

From the AP:

NEWARK, N.J. - Three mice infected with the bacteria responsible for bubonic plague apparently disappeared from a laboratory about two weeks ago, and authorities launched a search though health experts said there was scant public risk.

WHERE ARE THE MICE and why let this story out if you think the mice are dead or eaten???

Okay people of the tri-state area of NY-NJ-CT-PA, here are things you should know about this gross crap (taken from the CDC website):

How is plague transmitted?

By fleas that become infected with bacteria Yersinia pestis that cause plague.

What is the basic transmission cycle?

Fleas become infected by feeding on rodents, such as the chipmunks, prairie dogs, ground squirrels, mice, and other mammals that are infected with the bacteria Yersinia pestis. Fleas transmit the plague bacteria to humans and other mammals during the feeding process. The plague bacteria are maintained in the blood systems of rodents.

Could you get plague from another person?

Yes, when the other person has plague pneumonia and coughs droplets containing the plague bacteria into air that is breathed by a non-infected person.

We won't get into all of it, but know that this shit is alive and well in 2005.

Although it's curable, it's a disgusting thing to have.

It's just a dirtmongers sickness!

And in this day and age people have such a great way of camouflaging their filth that we really don't know who is a pig and who isn't!

Just BEWARE...

Sean Paul > Shaggy & Shabba

2005-09-14T16:43:00.000-04:00

Sean Paul is "way better than" Shaggy and Shabba!

We just saw his most wonderful video where he danced and just acted sexy and he gave the guys (and girls who like swing that way) PLENTY of eye candy.

He is cute like Shaggy and can dance like Shabba. I know we are taking this real far back but...

Here is Shabba Ranks (he had the biggest nostrils in the universe).

Trust us the photo with the shades was the best one.

Shaggy:

Okay maybe not Shaggy because he is still fine and still going strong.

ALSO: Why is Jason Lee doing this to us?

We love him and he can do so much better!

Did he piss off the Lucky Bastards Duo (insert picture of Ben Afleck and Matt Damon)who made it in a time where American had nothing better to worry about then boys from Boston who where so poor they had to share a 1 bedroom apartment?

He is better than both of them. REALLY!

MY NAME IS EARL? WTF?

Are WE ready for some FOOTBALL?

2005-09-11T16:48:00.000-04:00

Not really.

We are attempting some fantasy leagues.

Well Moosh has her leagues all set but Mealone just doesn't know what to do after the automatic draft.

Anyway it's Sunday and one of America's favorite pastimes is back in business.

We at two girls cannot stand being ignored for somthing like this so we figure if we can't beat em, join em.

So while we are stuck impressing some guy or spending time with spouses we have been able to also make a note of some of the sexiest football players in the NFL today:

The Barber brothers (above). Of course. One for Velma one for Mealone (Mealone calls Rhonde).

Curtis Martin.(You got this Moosh.)

Amani Toomer from the NY Giants.
Where has HE been?
Just too sexy for his suit!

Gotta love the players...We will keep you posted with further pictures.

Vacation

2005-09-08T20:19:00.000-04:00

One third of Two girls has been on vacation... in every sense of the word! Litterally I just got back from Nova Scotia by way of Carnival..it was short and sweet and now I am back to the land of reality and ever rising gas prices.
Metaphorically, I feel like the rose colored glasses have been removed and we are definitely not in Kansas anymore.

As I observe the state of things around me, I realize that I had a wonderful childhood. You could walk to the store around the corner and not worry about some one lurking in the shadows. I grew up in the '70's (don't go calculating Velma's age smart azzes) and life was just different in my 'hood. About the only thing I worried about was the Atlanta Child Murders, the Tylenol scare and of course getting electrocuted if you diddn't turn off all the lights or get off the phone during a storm (Yo, Grandma said it could happen and I listened--I'm still here, ain't I?).

Other than that, ish was lovely and I am so yearning for it now! I want to roller skate up and down my old street until the street lights come on.

I want to play hide and seek with the kids next door and hope I get to share a hiding spot with Jerome who was oh so cute at 8 (like me) I was his earth (His name was Supreme and I was Asia) and swore off swine for like a week. Grandma's pork chops started calling to me come Sunday and it was a wrap. LMAO

I wanna sell Kool-aide for a nickel on my front lawn and split the proceeds with my siblings so we could buy 54 cent sodas and potato chips that actually had chips in them and not just air. Where penny candy was really a penny and they had like 30 different varieties to choose from. Tell me pineapple flavored now-a-latas wasn't the bomb?

"I wish those days, could, come back once more, why did those days, Ev-er have to go cause I love 'em so" Sing it with Velma!!

Why is Velma so nostalgic? This what I have observed over the last two weeks:

1. A blond haired blue eyed freak decided to free willy near my daughter's nursery school. (Where is Lorraina Bobbit when you need her?)

2. Five kids between the ages of 6 and 12 jumped a boy who appeared to be about 12 or 13 and commenced to stomping his head and kicking his ribs. The grown ups who were sitting on their porch not 10 feet from the malay continued to sit on their laurels of do nothing.
After about 5 seconds of oogling, you gotta break that ish up, he could get a concussion and die (He sure was gettin' his azz whooped but I just can't respect the wolf pack mentality.) That little white boy was kinda deisel. The lil b*tch azz knucka that jumped him might not have been able to handle him alone had he not brought his minions. I thought you couldn't jump in until your man/girl was getting her azz kicked, not before? Who changed the rules? I guess fair fighting went out the window with Evander's ear tip (grrrrr)

3. And of course the aftermath of Katrina and the rising gas prices have got Velma's stomach all knotted up.

and lastly Grandma's in the hospital (3rd surgery in a five day period) and them MOFOs are partly to blame (but that will be another post if things go downhill)

"Mercy, Mercy Me. Things ain't what they used to be"

Another day

2005-09-07T18:55:00.000-04:00

We found this story courtesy of .mr.kamoji:

New Orleans Couple Weds in Miss. Shelter
Now by the looks of the woman we understand her urgency but in the shelter?

He also pointed out an article from the National Geographic dated Oct. 2004 regarding the state of affairs in New Orleans and how it was a disaster waiting to happen.

We, in the tri-state area, live next to Indian Point so we can not judge the people of New Orleans and condemn them for not leaving a city that was predicted to be under water.

As a matter of fact, unlike the people in NO, we wouldn't even know where we could run if there was an attack on Indian Point (not smart, we know).

Here are a couple of things that we are going to stop talking about (and hope others will too) because they are really becoming quite monotonous:

Kanye West and his outburst (no link, it's all over the internet).

George Bush and his reaction to the Hurricane. Don’t worry. Michael Moore make a movie about this and everyone will be in an uproar, and then our wonderful fellow countrymen will proceed by putting another donkey in office despite the current one having fucked up on numerous occasions (and he is not the only one to blame. It’s the whole administration-all parties. We need a political cleansing).

The price of gas. Yes, it’s high. We are the only country that has been paying as low as (in some parts of the country) $1.50 for gas. Get over it or get a Hybrid (or get a horse)

The STARS that donated to the relief fund. It's really not that awe-inspiring or awesome. They have the money and the ability to write it off. Matter of fact, what did the EVIL Wal-mart give? The owners are, after all, in the top 10 of Forbes billionare list.

Guess what (like we said, last mention of this)? Just like during the Tsunami, the animals got the hell out of dodge. In this case they where transported, but we are sure in most cases there was not an animal of natural habitat to be found (except the gators *shudder* but that is another story in itself).

One Nation under BULLSHIT!

2005-09-02T18:52:00.000-04:00

Now if anyone can describe the make-up of 2 Girls and a Blog you would realize that we are passive activist(<-we are not really radical).

If we are against someone's point of view...ignore them.

Against the policies of certain business practices...Don't shop there.

Against the war in Iraq...drive a Hybrid.

But this has gone too far.

We can't just hope that all this will go away because it's not.

We watched Bill Maher last night and although we are not a fan of Michael Eric Dyson, we must admit, the man has a point.

We listened to what Michael Moore has to say (thanks Trini Princess).

Then we followed some really intellectually stimulating debates regarding this issue of New Orleans and how the government is wrong, and the people of America are morally wrong for ignoring the poor people of this country.

We have come to the conclusion that we can no longer just turn off the news or think of only happy things.

This can happen to any of us at any time. Regardless of our economic standing. Regardless of demographic location (peep the part about Jeb and FL).

The government is not on our side.

We have to take matters into our own hands and if it affects others in any way, then they will surely ~~step in and take all the glory~~ regulate whatever we are doing.

But for the most part, we are on our own.

Here are some news stories that are not reported because everyone is worried about the big bad looters (2 Girls and a Blog must thank all the blogs we frequent and have enlightened us, which are on our blog lists):

Castro offers US medical help...AGAIN. (He has a medical program offering to help poor students in the south become doctors)

Russia offers help to U.S. after Hurricane Katrina...We wonder if that help was accepted?

Canada Offers Help to USA ...You would think these motherfuckers would have just been here. Fuck the offer.
Your ALL up in Haiti's business aiding and abetting in the pillaging and raping of the country(why a neutral country has troops is another post) as a whole.
Why not take a time out from all that and just help?

Governor Gives Troops Shoot-to-Kill Orders...The White House announced it would have zero tolerance for looters - even for those taking essential items needed to stay alive.

Louisiana Governor's Kathleen Blanco said "These troops are fresh back from Iraq, well trained, experienced, battle tested and under my orders to restore order in the streets. She went on to say "They have M-16s and they are locked and loaded. "These troops know how to shoot and kill and they are more than willing to do so if necessary and I expect they will."

We are so happy this is in print and all over the internet for future playback, but we are still tearfully shocked to read this.

***New Orleans is not the only city/place in America*** where people are living well under the poverty level.

This is the harshest reality to face as an American. How dare we fight other people's battles when our own country is a mess?

Once again we realize that the internet is the best thing ever(fuck sliced bread it's bad carbs anyway):

Craigslist: offering shelter to people (again *tears in my eyes* for the good people of America), and Volunteers.

Indy Media has a whole list of relief efforts (We LOVE the Liberals in times of crisis).

P-Diddy and Jay-Z Donate 1 Million dollars and clothes toward relief efforts. Also many other people in the Hip-Hop world stepped up.

Jay & Puff said that whenever they go to New Orleans to perform their shows are ALWAYS sold out. This is just the beginning(Hip-hop is not just music it's a movement!).

The people who are in New Orleans are - in all honesty - dying...

2005-08-31T15:58:00.000-04:00

Now usually I don't do this but...

But I must take on a current event due to the callous and detached attitudes of so many people.

I am not saying I am running to join the Peace Corp. All I am saying is:

STOP FUCKING REPORTING ON THE LOOTING.

Enough already with the pictures of looters and the media worrying about stores being looted (under water?).

Okay, the people are looting. What are they taking that will be of any use to them anyway?

Maybe they are stealing bottles of water, medical supplies, FOOD!????

That's not looting people, it's called survival and if anyone has seen The Stand or any other "Armageddon" type movie they would be crying over these pictures and not talking about how New Orleans is full of criminal looters.

It's the year 2005 and our president is more worried about the people in the dirts of Iraq than out own tax paying citizens.

I think that we have more than enough money and resources to get these people out of the city.

But what was Dubya's wonderful advice?:

I urge the citizens there in the region to continue to listen to the local authorities. Don't abandon your shelters until you're given clearance by the local authorities. Take precautions, because this is a dangerous storm. When the storm passes, the federal government has got assets and resources that will be deploying to help you. In the meantime, Americans will pray, pray for the health and safety of all our citizens.

Pray George? You said pray?All the money and resources in this land and you want us to sit back, wait and pray? Right, more fuel for the bible totin' fools that listen to the crap that is spewed from your mouth
(your the devil and this "worst storm in history" proves it).

Nice that we can fly to Europe in 3 hours and 45 minutes but we can't get people out of a devastating storm

PS- This is the ultimate orgasm for the weather channel. Get off the air and go help.

The Man of the week

2005-08-30T16:04:00.000-04:00

Okay! 2 Girls and A BLOG decided finally to have a man of the week.

Of course we will start off with America's most loved and hated man:

Brad Pitt! Otherwise known as Bradelina (because people are fucked up-remember Bennifer???)

Here he is in all his splendor.

Why do we love this man?

1.) He is extremely cute. In an endearing way (yeah yeah yeah).
2.) He loves children (anyone with fallopian tubes can agree)
3.) Nice body!
4.) He has a boyish look.

Why do we hate this man?

1.)He left his wife for a very hot chick that most men would die for.

2.)^Too typical.
3.)Can't think of anything else.

All we know is that we had to start off somewhere and this is as good as any!

Brad gets an 8 on our man-o-meter.

That is HIGH!

If he does anything worthwhile we will re-review him.

For now he is just a cute asshole and will not get the coveted (yeah...coveted) 10 spot.

That is saved for a man who can go against all odds (yes Angelina is an odd. She is beautiful and a humanitarian, it's like J.C. in the desert with the devil for 40 days/nights...last temptation)

NOTE: We would like to thank DJX for helping us with this post!!

Personal Objects Should Stay Personal

2005-08-29T23:26:00.000-04:00

I have a problem when people lose track of their belongings. There I am ready to take shower but forget something in my room. I grab for the towel on the counter. When I return to the bathroom I find a purple vibrator starring me in the face. AGHHH!!! Completely grossed out I think ok is my mom's or my sisters (yuck either way).Who leaves that just lying around for others to see?? So I decide to carefully wrap it back up in towel without touching it and went about my business. But the next time that happens I'm done. I'm so going off.

Two Girls and a Blog says: If ya gonna have a toy know where it is at all times.. keep ya shit in check! We do not need to know THAT much about ya personal life!

Bloggywood.......Tales from the web.

2005-08-29T09:00:00.000-04:00

2 Girls and a Blog have been surfing the internet.

We have caught some big waves along the way. We have also rode some tiny ones.

One thing we do know is...Some of this shit is way too hilarious.

As we where reading one of Fresh's recommendations, INCITING A RIOT, who to us seems like her blog twin with a different spin... we started getting sidetracked by his link list and came up with this:

AutoMaddox and the funniest read is this post about Zahara Marley & the Wailers.

2 Girls and a Blog is not sure who came up with this stuff but it's classic.

Then there is a spin off where Zahara has her own blog and then the we found the icing on the cake, Angelina Jolie has her very own blog.

This is one of the world's cutest pictures (the Jolie girls are causing quite a stir) Males and females can agree that this baby is one of the cutest babies. The new Gerber baby.

Forget about movies and TV we have BLOGS!

Every day should be dress down Friday

2005-08-26T16:13:00.000-04:00

We decided to deliver the "news" in our most casual attire.

Headlines.......we hate the news but...whatever.

WHOA!
As 2 Girls and a Blog where cruising one of their favorite liberal spots they come across some serious bullshit:

Focus On The Family Holding Conference To “Promote The Truth That Homosexuality Is Preventable And Treatable”…

2 Girls has something to say: Homosexuality is a virus now?

Anyway here are some other interesting headlines:

Reality Show Challenges Teenagers To Go Five Months Without Sex…
The show will follow six boys and six girls aged 15 to 17 as they are coaxed into favouring celibacy over sex.

2 Girls has something to say: WHAT??? I know they say that those countries are very open about sex and such but, what???

Live Humans Are Newest Exhibit At London Zoo…

2 Girls has something to say: Nice

Budapest District Mayor Says Women With “Completely Perfect Legs” Can Only Wear Skirts…
the dress code was needed because he had seen staff dressed like beggars or holidaymakers.

2 Girls has something to say: LMAO!!! ROTFL!!! What the hell is a holidaymakers?

Totally unrelated but related in a way since every blogger is a wannabe journalist.
Look how FINE Peter Jennings was(r.i.p.):

Chris Tucker is in MIMI's new video??? WTF?

2005-08-25T07:34:00.000-04:00

Let me start of by saying how much Mariah Carey is disliked.

I am not sure how my other contributors feel about her so these views and opinions of this post are expressed by meALONE.

Her new album is TRASH. I don't care what anyone says. It's always the same shit with the same stupid beat (the only beat that she can bop to) and her practicing her damn vocals.

Thank goodness she is not attempting to dance.

Yes Mariah.
You can sing.
We all know it.
Yes your new boobs are great.
Please stop with the hip-hop and go back to your old ways with Tommy big boy Mattola(your music was good quality then).
Please?

That shake it off video is THE WORST shit I have ever seen in my life.

JD The Midget is on in the beggining doing I don't know what...shaking it off

Teenage big girls with uncombed hair where on the telephone...shaking it off

Chris Tucker (the asshole)was in the passenger seat (<-bullshit right there, be a man and take the wheel)practically doing the snake...shaking it off

Cuckoo(Mimi or Cybil-take your pick) herself was in front of a big MIMI sign...shaking it off

What the hell is everyone shaking off? The craziness?

Note: If you think I am hating get.off.this.site.

What Language Are You Speaking?

2005-08-24T18:27:00.000-04:00

I have been going on and on all day about this dumb heifer who tried to be down so she spoke to me in "my language". For the record, English is NOT my second language, it is the one and only language that I speak fluently (ok, so I took French and Russian and while I can say some things, please do not attempt to respond back as I won't know what the fluck you are saying to me--I can only read a dinner menu, not have an actual conversation)
Anyhoo, I met with her higher ups yesterday and they must have told her that I was black. I have been conversing with her via email (maybe once or twice on the phone a few years ago) about her account that I handle.

She asked me to research an issue. I replied that I had faxed the paperwork to the individual on her email and that I would forward the same information on to her so that she can keep it for her records.
Did I indicate that now was a good time to throw in any and all of the ebonics that she had been DYING to try out and just needed a "down" black person to try it on?
Today, she decides to become my "homegirl" and ended her email with : Word! Thank you. Fer Schnizzle.

What the Fluck is Wrong with You? I wanted to check her azz so bad but because it is a major account and I have to correspond with her at least 8 to 10 times a day for the next thousand years (or until I gut someone like the fish they are and get fired) I decided to let her marinate in her own ignorant juices and sent no response.

Wal-Mart = EVIL

2005-08-23T15:10:00.000-04:00

I have boycotted Wal-Mart for a good 2 years now. Considering the fact that we only have one in my town (and it's not even a Super Wal-Mart) this is not hard.

When asked why I won't step foot into Wal-Mart I always come up with the lame excuse "Oh because they sell guns and I am against that".

Oh please.

Like I care.

The real reasons are so shallow and stupid:

1.) The Walton's make up half Forbes top 10 billonaire list (6-10 actually). I am not adding to that piece of pie.....

2.)I live in upstate NY and the people who shop in Wal-Mart usually look like they are stuck in the 80's.

3.) All the Hasidic(Jewish) people shop there (these people have 15 kids per couple and I can't take it) all day every day except for Friday evenings and Saturday mornings. I can't get to Wal-Mart at those times.

4.) I did read somewhere that they have guns but I have not seen them.

5.) Everyone who shops in Wal-Mart can't get over how much they paid for shit. Get over it. I hate when the conversation starts off with "Guess how much I paid for this?" I don't care.

6.) I saw the episode of South Park "Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes" and I feel that this is a true story.

7.) People who live by the Wal-Mart die by the Wal-Mart.....

But as I am reading some of the sites I like to go to, like Alternet(and other liberal bullcrap sites that I LOVE to feed into from time to time because I believe in unicorns and happily ever after)I realize that there is a method to my madness (Well, sometimes).........I did the barest amount of homework for this post:

The 'everyday low prices' superchain refuses to carry books and music that dare criticize conservative values.

Wal-Mart is the largest private employer in the world with over $10 billion in profits. Yet, Wal-Mart lowers our wages, ships our jobs overseas, and shifts their health care costs onto American taxpayers. We believe it's time for Wal-Mart to Wake Up.

Because of these low low prices at Wal-Mart the workers suffer which results in tax payers (<-ME Me me) having to pay for their healthcare and other things. SHIT my co-pay is $25 every visit. Medicaid is FREE. What's really good?

The list goes on and on. Just go to one of my new favorite sites which is a fierce ban on Wal-Mart.

But now I am S.O.L. because I want a bubba keg (its a mug that keeps your ice cold all day) and they only sell them at Wal-Mart.

How dare I step foot in there and support their bullshit?
I am going to need someone to purchase one for me (I'll give you the money for it).

Dirty South

2005-08-22T15:49:00.000-04:00

I crossed the Mason Dixon Line and really expected people to make sense.

My mistake.

First off airport security told me I might be packing explosives so they would need to do a full upper pat down on me.

Fuck you. I know my boobs are big but must we do this?

I told these redneck bitches in Myrtle Beach airport not to fucking touch my body and these assholes called the police.

Guess who came to "talk" to me about violating federal regulations?

Yes, they sent the bull dyke female cop and as soon as I get clearance I am posting that bitches name.

She told me that because I was giving the airport security a hard time I would be subject to "full searches" in the future (probably from her ass).

I know all you paranoid assholes would say "They are just trying to protect us".
If you feel this way fuck.you.and.stop.reading.this.blog because I am sick of this bullshit with the airports.

Like if someone wanted to do 911 over again they couldn't?
In between the toy cops at the airport and the town cops we have a lot of married cousins. That's it. No one is securing shit!

Motherfuckers made me so damn MAD. In my calm voice I said to anyone who would listen:

"Wow, this is why I try so hard to not cross that mason dixon line. This is absolute bullshit"

The female airport security said "Maam can you please refrain from using that type of language?"

WHAT? Get the fuck out of my face you fat bitch.
But what I said was "Please don't address me at all".......

Whoa. I almost got arrested for real.
They made a copy of my passport and my ticket (for what?).

Bitch ass cop told me I may get fined for interfering with federal guidelines.

I asked her which guideline I was interfering with when I told them I didn't want to be patted and touched at 7am? She gave me a blank stare.

Ok so you mean to tell me that you don't know which guideline I am "interfering" with?
Inbred cunt! <-I hate that word but it was so appropriate right then.

They ended up not touching me but running that metal detector thing up and down my body.

I am not done with Myrtle Beach Airport. They might have a lawsuit on their hands. Fuckers.

Why even wear anything??

2005-08-21T23:21:00.000-04:00

Ok can one of you guys out there answer this question for me...why a tight lil speedo??? i was on marthas vineyard this weekend and saw was too many men wearing speedos. honestly not attractive. why do i wanna see ya shit all crunched into that lil space? and its mostly old men which makes it 10x worse. i totally did not wanna look at ya shriveled penis. put that away! please do us all a favor and wear a normal bathing suit. remember this is a public beach and we would like to enjoy all the sights and ya making it very difficult.

Pregnant woman's remains found near Philadelphia

2005-08-21T13:44:00.000-04:00

I am not an "I told you so" kinda chick, but dayyumm, what the fluck did Velma say?? This crime had that boyfriend's name all over it!!! I heard on one news show he lead authorities to her body (of course he did, he put her there!!!) I and also read that:

The suspect, Stephen Poaches, is a former boyfriend of 24-year-old LaToyia Figueroa, who has been missing for a month. When Poaches, 25, was arrested in nearby Chester, police said he was wearing a bulletproof vest and carrying a pistol. (Whatchu need a vest for??? Afraid her relatives were going to roll up on you and do a drive by?)

Funny how Greta Van "Suck the Life Outta a damn story" was giving her eyewitness testimony as to what the boyfriend said to her about when they were last together (blah blah blah- now it's all important to you?). I also saw his lawyer on the tv talking about his case as if the truth is going to come out. Knucka, it done came out and yo azz is going to jail. Case closed!!!

Why do we bother? This shit isn't funny anymore ...

2005-08-18T21:46:00.000-04:00

The news is usually so darn depressing. 2 Girls and a Blog tries to stay away from the normal headlines because it's serious overkill. But shit has gone way to far now. We go to the headlines and see this kaka:

Bush Reads About Salt, Flu While in Texas

What is he doing reading? Didn't he get in trouble the last time he was caught reading?
Why is the media doing this to us?

The White House said Bush took three heavy books with him on his five-week stay at his Texas ranch, each about 500 pages long.

I know they have their inside private jokes, ha ha Dubya is reading big boy books.

But the shameless plug for the writer is really not fair. Like the people who would agree with GW's thinking would ever run out and read these kinds of books?

"Salt: A World History." This best seller by Mark Kurlansky (I love to read and I would not even read what this shit is about. STOP)

"Alexander II: The Last Great Tsar." Apparently a perk of the presidency is getting advance copies of anticipated biographies such as this. (He's not going to be able to tell us what it's about. Thus the reasoning for the "perk")

Something else that was quite funny:

Woman Gets Cable Bill With Derogatory Name

LaChania Govan said when she called to complain they transferred her to a person who spoke Spanish - a language she doesn't understand(<-better learn with a last name like that, it might get you somewhere).

When she got her August bill it was addressed to "Bitch Dog" (we suppose that is the translation for LaChania????)

In another case, Peoples Energy customer Jefferoy Barnes started getting letters addressed to "Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes."

What the fuck are they(the powers that control even this blog) hiding nowanother terror attack?

Better yet, more jobs being off shored to help the poor people of Sri Lanka because their leader was assassinated?

We have a crush on a male model......He may not be gay

2005-08-16T20:46:00.000-04:00

2 Girls and a Blog has a crush. No seriously 2 out of 3 girls of this Blog have a crush (and the 3rd must remain non-partisan because of her marital status). On the same guy. This is what he looks like:

Lets just say if we had a device that measures a guy in penis size rather than inches. He would be a 11 on the penile-o-meter (on a scale from 1-12).

What we are saying is that actual size does not play a factor in whether on not this guy is fuckable.

If he was working with the scorned 4.5 inches (flaccid of course) we would still fight to have him just to scratch.his.back.

If he said "How do you want it?" we would say "Every day".

We are talking crush like videos of having sex with him secretly released to the internet.

Then of course you might ask "well if he is so fly and he is only an eleven who is a 12"??? Send us your pic.

Anyway one of us was propositioned by a friend of this wonderful looking specimen.
We could get to meet and possibly greet him. This prompted us to go to our stomping grounds, iVillage (UK of course) to get tips on how to get a man you want and here is what they had to say:

iVillage says: Smile at everyone you see.
2 Girls and a Blog says: No fucking way, so that Jack the ripper can think I am a whore and kill me? Well....We will do this for only the sane looking ones.
iVillage says: Accept dates with men you normally wouldn't.
2 Girls and a Blog says: Wow are you asking us to put our reputation on the line? Ok.

iVillage says: Let him pay for the date.
2 Girls and a Blog says: We must be desperate if we are agreeing with iVillage all the way on this one......

iVillage says: Instead of asking men out, ask them to ask you out.
2 Girls and a Blog says: Tongue twister

iVillage says:Be quiet on the first date.
2 Girls and a Blog says: Fuck you iVillage!

iVillage says: Throw out your checklist for the perfect man.
2 Girls and a Blog says: We did when you said to accept all dates and smile at every dogface in the streets.

Juicin' it up!!!

2005-08-14T09:53:00.000-04:00

Velma had some sangria last night and I remember driniking it and then I woke up!! That ish put me on my butt and I only had one glass--dayyyyummm!!! Velma wants to hear about a time when a drink put you on your azz or you woke up in a strange place. (side bar for those who know me--we will not talk about the Tequila incident. My advice, just say no!)

Nugatory TV...........

2005-08-11T23:41:00.000-04:00

This in no way takes precedence over the post below which is far more conducive to the world of Blog but.........
THIS IS THE MOST GHETTO SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF GHETTO SHOWS.
One of 2 girls played hookie from work today because one of us had shit to do with our personal life. So of course we put the T.V. on while we where so busy because silence drives us nuts.

Any way.......We happen to fall on this bullshit with the Judge Larry Joe Doherty "Texas Justice"?
We have not watched TV for a while now. WTF is going on? Dubya (our fearless leader) has GOT to go!!!!

The judge told the black guy(defendant) :
"Your smiling too hard to be believed" (nice judicial reasoning).

Also (to the stupid couple):
"If God said for you to move into this house, then we would not be hearing any of this complaining right now, would we?" (Now I now see why you are appointed Judge)

Where have WE been and why is this allowed in the good ole U. S. Of fucking A.??????
So maybe we have not been aware of social injustice?

But does ignorance have to be so readily displayed and accepted when the normal hardworking people of America(a./k./a./ Land of the FREE) are at work?

How can we contest the showing of this bullshit on TV when we are busy??? It's summertime and poor innocent children might watch this (I would rather have them play Vice City with the secret codes in hand).

Backwards ass NETWORK TELEVISION(did we mention this ignorant crap is on Fox or was that a given?).
WHAT THE FLUCK?????????
2 Girls and a BLOG feel like we have been raped (anal of course).

ALL WE SEE IS:

ENOUGH ALREADY

2005-08-11T14:09:00.000-04:00

I am not a mean spirited person. I like to believe that I am a christian or atleast trying to be a better one. I have children and fear for their safety day and night. But dayummm, I am sooo tired of the fascination with the missing Aruba teen. ENOUGH ALREADY!! She is dead, has been dead since that night and those little f*cks who were with her know why and where!! Brow beat their lil azzes and give a little taste of what it will be like when they are incarcerated!! Stop giving Greta Van "Suck the life outta that damn story" Susteren any more wood for her ratings fire!!! I read this in the Chicago Sun times:

Van Susteren has been rewarded with her biggest audiences since making the switch from CNN three years ago. She averaged nearly 2.2 million viewers a night in July, up 58 percent from the same period a year ago, according to Nielsen Media Research. CNN's Aaron Brown used to put up a tough fight in the time slot; now Van Susteren routinely triples his audience.

and then the family said:
Desperate to learn what happened to Natalee, the Holloway family has been grateful for the interest and available to help fill hours of airtime. ''She's keeping people interested and keeping people looking,''said Paul Reynolds, Natalee's uncle.

I am sure if something happened to my child (God Forbid) I would want hell and earth moved to find out what happened, please beleive I understand a mother's love. I'm saying the news media needs to be more responsible and focus attention on current news stories, possibly helping other missing children and people. Hell, just to appear politically correct, have one hour a week that focuses on missing children/teens/people and maybe the public at large (mostly minorities) won't feel left out or that their missing will go unnoticed because they don't make for good news stories.

Which brings me back to Latoyia Figueroa. Why is it taking so long to find leads? She was last seen with her baby daddy--hasn't been seen since--didn't make it home to get her other child. What is hard to understand?? She is in a well/gutter/abandoned building (where the fluck is Lassie when you need her?).

That fool didn't have enough money to hire a hit man so he obviously doesn't have great resources. Latoyia had a run in with his ex who : "Two months ago, she was coming out of her house at 57th and Spruce to go to work, and a young lady pushed her. The young lady turned her around and kicked her in the stomach," said the elder Figueroa. "Since then she's been having problems with her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend," he added. "I think he's using the two ladies against each other, and it's not right."
Why aren't they beating a path to the ex's door and turning her on the boyfriend? I see it on Law & Order all the time.

Something ain't right and it's got that baby daddy name ALL OVER IT!! That fool was the last one to see her alive.

Velma did a search on MapQuest for where Latoyia lives and where they are looking for clues (Cobbs Creek Park and 57th & Spruce). It ain't that big!! Where are the search parties and helicopters? I know there are good decent folk in Philly, Velma went to school there (Big up to Lincoln). I hope they find her soon, her family needs closure too. It seems like the streets gotta help Latoyia cause Greta Van "Suck the life" is too busy searching for Natalee.

Some Headlines I thought would be of interest.........

2005-08-08T13:54:00.000-04:00

Today is Monday August 8th and I am the only one here......HOLDING IT DOWN as usual.
Anyway I was doing my usual skimming of the latest headlines and I came across these. I have included our commentary that I am sure people can't live without.

Radio Station to Stop Slapping Contest:
Spitzer and the state Athletic Commission stated that the hip-hop and rhythm and blues station held 24 "Smackfest" contests from April 2004 to January 2005. Young women took turns "violently slapping" each other for concert tickets and as much as $5,000 in cash, Spitzer said. Images of the slapping then ran on the station's Web site.

2 Girls and a Blog says: Dumb bitches should not have been so desperate for money or concert tickets. G-H-E-T-T-O. How dare you complain now?

Report: Tommy Lee's in Love With Pamela

"They're the Liz Taylor and Richard Burton of our era," Motley Crue's Nikki Sixx tells the magazine.

2 Girls and a Blog says: Ummmm....... no they're not? They are two trashy people, one with ginormous boobs and the other with a fairly big penis (yes we saw the video).

Congress Expects Palmeiro's Test Records:

Palmeiro, who swore under oath before the committee earlier this year that he had never taken steroids, was suspended for 10 days by Major League Baseball last month after he tested positive for steroids. Palmeiro has said he does not know how the steroids got into his body.

Davis ( chairman of the House Government Reform Committee) declined to say whether he thinks Palmeiro committed perjury.

"We're a long way from that at this point," he said. "But there are certainly some incongruities in his statement and we have a duty to investigate."

2 Girls and a Blog says: Why the fuck are we wasting tax dollars on this so-called investigation. But we don't know much about baseball so we will leave it at that.....

MS 'Helped' Save Richard Pryor's Life:

"As productive and brilliant as he was, he was also self-destructive," she(Jennifer, his fifth wife) said in a telephone interview. "He said God gave him MS to slow him down. This disease saved his life."

The couple divorced after a brief marriage in the early 1980s but remarried in 2001(I am almost sure he couldn't even speak by then).

2 Girls and a Blog says: Much as we love Richard because we share a B-day with him, buuuuut, sounds like this bitch has got the last word and is relishing in it? I guess Rain would not let anybody be evil to her daddy? Or would she?

Sometimes DRUGS are the only choice......

2005-08-07T08:35:00.001-04:00

This picture is me all Saturday evening. I know this is not my personal journal page so I will keep this brief.

First off, I get migraine headaches maybe once every six months. They are usually accompanied with vision loss, nausea, and all my "shiny happy friends" wanting me to go party with them when all I want to do is lay in the dark and DIE.

Where are the motherfuckers who are usually offering me a hit of something? WHERE are they?

Things I want to do when suffering from the MIGRAINE:

Smoke an ounce all by myself out of a bong(okay half an ounce).

See what all the hype is on crystal meth(maybe I just want to see some trailer trash actually doing it?).

Sniff cocaine(yes).

Kill anyone that gets in my way(namely my sorry azz sibling).

Call Montel Williams for the name of his dealer (he is calling himself a Medical Marijuana Patient-what a bunch of crock!! I want in!!).

Turn off the sun (at least for 6 hours).

Transfer my pain onto stupid asshole people who won't leave me alone.

Kick my damn landlord and his damn wife for turning this place into the slums of the suburbs(I can hear my neighbors whispering).

Finalize my game plan for buying a house and getting the fuck out of dodge!

So many evil thoughts ran through my head as well but I can't write them down. Now I have to recover. Have a good day.

10 Things that Might get a knucka Cut or Atleast Choked

2005-08-03T21:35:00.000-04:00

#10 Why you so cranky--you got your friend?

#9 My mother always folds my t-shirts like this.. *swish goes my switch blade*

#8 You made me late cause you didn't wake me up earlier (your momma probably used to, right?)

#7 I walk in the door after working 11 hours (8 regular 3 overtime) and commuting 1 hour home and hear "So what we havin' for dinner" as he scratches his brazillians. *I make a bee line for the butchers block*

#6 Since you got your friend, can I get special treats? *does the stupid tongue and cheek move while holding an imaginary cock* I mean do we both have to suffer? I yell Lorraina Bobbit as I ......

#5 "So what if I go to lunch with other women and don't tell you, it don't mean nuttin'- I'm married to you. They don't mean ish to me" choke choke *gasp* choke

#4 The scene: He is transfixed watching a Destiny's Child video and I swear I can see spittle forming at the corners of his open mouth as I walk into the living room. His frontin azz says "Beyonce's okay if you like that sorta of thing"

#3 "If you just do some sit ups, you can get rid of that belly fat" *several quick thrusts to his solar plexis*

#2 He says "I asked my mother to help us with our laundry since we are so behind" I look over and she is folding my moth eaten underwear that I save for when my "friend" visits. I'm unsure who to choke first, momma in-law or his b*tch azz.

The #1 reason you might cut a knucka (or atleast choke his azz) comes from Baby Boy "You wanna know the truth??.. yeah I f*ck other girls but I make love to you.." before he could even finish that statement, I would have stuck him up underneath his 3 and 4 ribs and gutted him like a fish --Yah yah, die b*tch die. Wooooo, Velma feels better.

Mike Tyson World Porn Champ

2005-08-03T13:18:00.000-04:00

Mike Tyson is reportedly set to star in a porn film with Jenna Jameson. He has been hit with a tax bill of a couple million so maybe a career in porn will help him pay it off. Jenna's reps contacted him to be her next partner. But he wants money upfront. How they gonna pay him all that money if you don't even know if people want to look at ya bare ass with her but allegedly he's got a 14 inch tool (yikes) so this may work out to be his next career move.

TWO GIRLS AND A BLOG SAYS: We will check it out and let you know if it's worth it. Hey he might be the next Ron Jeremy...you never know!

Missing Philadelphia Woman

2005-08-03T10:48:00.000-04:00

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (CNN) -- The Philadelphia Citizens Crime Commission, with the help of a Philadelphia blogger, have launched a reward fund for information leading to Latoyia Figueroa, a 24-year-old pregnant mother of one who has been missing since July 18. Figueroa went to a doctor's appointment with a male friend on that afternoon, police said, but did not show up to retrieve her 7-year-old daughter from day care later that day.
Stephanie Stephenson, a relative who raised Figueroa after her mother was killed when she was a toddler, told CNN that Figueroa, five months pregnant, left the friend's house in west Philadelphia "and disappeared."
Her cell phone -- a constant companion -- has gone quiet for the nine days she has been missing, and her bank has recorded no transactions.
"The Philadelphia police and the detectives are involved now, and they're making this their priority case," So in the beginning it wasn't a freakin' priority?? Philadelphia Police Lt. Frank Vanore said authorities have no suspects in custody.
"We're trying to interview everybody that she knew, but as far as leads or evidence found to show us something might have happened -- no," Vanore said.
Vanore said Figueroa was a victim of robbery in April, but police believe that was an isolated incident unrelated to her disappearance. Everything is relevant fluck nuts!!

Has there been enough coverage on this story?? I seem to remember when Lacey Peterson went missing it was an all out media blitz of constant interruptions throughout the day to give us updates on the breaking story. Allegedly the boyfriend is acting skiddish and squirrelly and not working with the family??

Santo Montecalvo, vice president of the Philadelphia Citizens Crime Commission, said the commission's reward fund had reached $10,000 Wednesday morning. And Richard Blair of Philadelphia has launched a drive for the reward fund through his blog, allspinzone.com. Big up to Mr. Blair, fellow blogger!!
"The Citizens Crime Commission does not have a way to make a donation online (Velma wants to know why??) so we've taken up that task," he said.
Blair said he has been covering this story on his site because he does not think it has gotten the publicity it deserves.
"I just didn't feel that this story had been given any publicity -- young, black woman out of the ghetto. ... I want them to know that there's people out there thinking about them," he said. *standing up clapping*

$10,000?? WTF?? I generally don't listen to the radio but since I rode in with hubby, a.k.a Mario Andretti, I heard this morning that the reward is now up to $100,000 thanks to the generosity of people like Beenie Siegel and Dame Dash who reportedly gave $10,000 apiece to add to the fund. I'm glad to see there are still decent caring people out there.

While reading this on CNN.com I clicked on this story:

RICHMOND, Virginia (AP) -- A cancer-ravaged woman robbed of consciousness by a stroke has given birth after being kept on life support for three months to give her fetus extra time to develop. A Web site was set up to help raise money for the family's mounting medical bills, and as of two weeks ago, people from around the world had donated around $400,000.

Okay they are both tragic stories and my heart goes out to both families but Ms. Figueroa's other child (and family) needs help too??? Why isn't there more money in her fund?? Why aren't more people taking up thier cause??

you probably think this post is about you....

2005-08-02T08:22:00.000-04:00

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain (you're so vain)
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you, don't you
-(As recorded by Carly Simon)

2 Girls and a Blog wonders, Why are men such assholes sometimes?

Anyway, as usual we are cruising through iVillage(UK version) and we come across this Q&A. You know we have our own opinions on these matters right?

Why do men say they’ll call when they have no such intention?
For the same reason a woman might say yes to a date when she doesn’t really want to go. We’re spineless and non-confrontational when it comes to our emotions. Saying, ‘I’ll call you’ is easy. Saying, ‘Well, I don’t know about you, but it didn’t seem like we really hit it off’ means we have to explain why, and in so doing, maybe expose a few shallow secrets. Anyway, do women really want to know right then and there that we don’t like them?

2 Girls view: Any man that does not call back immediatly is a true asshole and should not be entertained. Next.

Why do men avoid relationship discussions?

Ultimately, in order for a relationship to work, you simply have to talk – and that means both sides making small compromises and finding common ground on which to talk. Relationship discussions are an emotional minefield and if you value your relationship, treading carefully is sometimes the best way around it.

2 Girls view: Fuck that, he talks when your ready to talk because ultimatley, he will want to have sex, and he can't very well do it by himself... right?

Not all secrets are lies?
You have to accept, especially at the beginning of a relationship, that people don't tell you everything about themselves or they rewrite their histories to their own advantage. That's normal because while all lies are secrets not all secrets are lies.

2 Girls and a Blog view: We actually agree. Lie to me because I am totally not telling you the truth either. But, don't get caught.

As you can see today is a man-hating day.

Weekends are fun

2005-07-31T13:46:00.000-04:00

2 girls and a blog got together for a BBQ yesterday at Velma's house! It was unexpected fun (don't take the unexpected part personal Velma).

We learned a game called "Three die". The older folk taught us and the one and only Mealone won $6 and some change(may not be much to you but guess who paid her own way into the club that night?????). It(the game) was being hosted by a husband/wife hustle team. The yoked us into the game but conveinetly won 2 out of 6 games (MAFIA). So basic. So FUN! Anyone can win (uh-huh).

Anyway the highlights of the night where:

Lil Magic and her cheering.
Birthday girl being all friendly (still don't understand, they must have slipped her Mike's Hard Lemonade)
Mealone riding the horse(literally!).
"Someone" trying to front as usual.
Velma and hubby reenacting "What's love got to do with it" and making us laugh to tears!
A certain tall man referred to as "Giraffe" trying to holla at anything.....
Moosh getting punked by the leader of the "3 die" gambit.
Getting lost in upstate NY.
Getting invited on a yacht......and later finding out it was a tugboat of a married man who was married to a female cop(you know the females on the force are nutso-are you trying to get us killed?).
Listening intensly to Velma's grandpa and realizing he is more interesting than half of the people at the party combined.
Listening to Velma's friend complain about above.

Aruban judicial system is WACK!

2005-07-30T14:01:00.000-04:00

WTF? How are keeping this guy in jail? According to the (AP):

Joran van der Sloot, 17, the only person who remains jailed in the case, has admitted he spent part of the evening with her. He has said through his family and lawyers that he had nothing to do with her disappears.

I need to really ante up on my studies, hurry the f*ck up and become a lawyer. This is absolute bullshit. I would walk right into that courtroom and say "Judge, I found the missing teen from Texas, may I present the court with the evidence?"

The judge would say "Who are you?" we would go back and forth for a while determining my credibility and then I would furnish this picture:

Voila..............Case closed! *I take a bow*
This is waaaaay better than the strand of hair on duck tape bullshit (which incidentally was not hers but I do have a suspicion it was one of her friends who set her up).

Look at the legs! They are white! It's her.....

Things You Would Never Know Without The Movies -from some random website?

2005-07-29T12:50:00.000-04:00

I know this is old but it's still funny!

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the
armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying
beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
Bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in
the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you
can travel to any other part of the building you want without
difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart
back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or
killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade
or his forthcoming art exhibition.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
through it before long.

The Chief of Police is always black. (2 girls wonder why this is so??)
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out
a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always
be the exact fare.

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from
elsewhere in the universe.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.(2 girls thinks this always takes place before some sort of abduction)
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
strange noises in their most revealing underwear.(2 girls knows that real women do not go towards danger)

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
every morning even though their husband and children never have
time to eat it.(2GAAB never understood that or why the Ingalls made so much production over potatoes and lamb?)Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.(2 Girls laughs out loud)

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to
attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner
until you have knocked out their predecessors. (1 of 2 Girls hates Steven Seagal)
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they
will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
each other.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds
- unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped
inside.

Size DOES Matter

2005-07-29T01:05:00.000-04:00

So you ask a man....."Tell me something about yourself" and he answers "I am really packing, or so the ladies tell me".

So the fuck what?

According to I Village(UK):

Many myths surround the male genitalia. Black men are always massive, oriental men have penises the size of cocktail sausages and Dutch men can keep going for days.

2 Girls and a Blog says:
1.) Black men are not always massive( although the majority of them have 7" or more (with a circumference of about 5".......damn!). But that's why they have the biggest "penis size" complex out of all the men.
2.) I have yet to see an oriental porn where they are "well hung". I hope someone can prove me wrong.
3.)Dutch men can go on for days???? Nice........very nice.............

Here is something interesting that no one talks about:

Yes, a penis can be too large for your comfort, and the size may cause friction or other types of pain. The average circumference of a human male's erect penis is 12.3 centimetres (4.85 inches)When a woman complains about her partner's penis being too small, it often reflects a problem with girth rather than length.

The moral of 2 Girls and a Blog : It doesn't matter how low you hang if you have a skinny dick.

Sex on the beach: the health concerns

2005-07-27T15:06:00.000-04:00

I was reading I Village (great site) and they list the negative side of having sex on the beach (not the drink either).

Why must people be such killjoys? First of all, if you have sex on the beach you are NOT going to be thinking about this crap, but here ya go:

Can having sex in salt water irritate tender tissues?

I village says:If there's lots of sand suspended in the water, however, friction may cause discomfort. Bear in mind that some countries have strict regulations about sex in public places, so check by-laws and ensure total privacy if you don't want to spend your holiday in the local clink.

2 Girls and a Blog says: Having sex in the ocean should elimate the need to wash the sperm off of you stomach, face or wherever you like it shot. The salt water is also a cleanser so you don't have to worry about soap. NEXT.....

Can sex in the sand cause the equivalent of rug burns?

I Village says:Sand can easily be introduced into the vagina during sex on the beach which can lead to irritation and soreness.

2 Girls and a Blog says:More soreness? Oooh baby. Slap it up, flip it, rub it down!

Why does alcohol lower my inhibitions?
I Village says: Alcohol is a sedative, and has a depressant action on the central nervous system and damps down your usual protective psychological and social inhibitions. Although this may make you feel euphoric and dynamic, it will affect your judgement, even on things like deciding when you've been in the sun too long, whether you are drinking enough water, as well as common sense decisions on sex issues. And on top of that, in small quantities, alcohol is an aphrodisiac - but only for women, it seems. After drinking two units of alcohol, female testosterone levels rise one to two hours later. In larger quantities, however, alcohol lowers oestrogen and testosterone levels so you may feel less sexy as the night wears on.

2 Girls and a Blog says:: Why do you think they have a drink by this name????? How do you expect to f*ck in the ocean and get sand in your crotch if you don't drink? No sober person does that! Now go work on having sex on the beach!

Prude women... is there such a thing??

2005-07-25T23:10:00.000-04:00

From my 26 years of being a women i have never been a prude or encountered one. i really want to know if they really exist? and im not talking about nuns because they go in a whole other catagory. i know some girls who say im looking for a man to settle down with, i dont just sleep around. right... cause we can believe that. next thing you know they encounter one hot guy or even just a plain guy and they are all up on it. once they get that one bit of attention they cant control themselves. then its the jump-off that they dont want to discuss or they get "offended" when you ask how the sex is or was he big. but they would be willing to ask you any question about your sex life. dont try to act like you aint got your own shit going on! cause you know you do. just say it! we are all alike. its not like its ya husband or anything its a freakin jump-off so go with it. have some fun like its supposed to be. so for all you PRUDE women out there....GIVE IT UP! we are so on to you.

Summer makes people hot............

2005-07-25T17:26:00.000-04:00

Sittin' here, eatin' my heart out waitin'
waitin' for some lover to call
dialed about a thousand numbers lately
almost rang the phone off the wall
-"Hot stuff" by Donna Summer

Wow, this summer is off the hook. Everyone is hot, horny,and just talking about sex. It's enough to make a celibate (sometimes by choice and sometimes by circumstance) person want to do something like grab the nearest man and go crazy.

NOTE: If you like ADULT MOVIES and appreciate a quality flick please sign this (click here ->)petition (Just sign!)

If you need the whole story go to Spider's webpage.

To Tip or Not to Tip, that is the question??

2005-07-22T14:59:00.000-04:00

I was just reading one of the comments by a waitress on the above web site and learned a few things.......

I guess I have been living in the dark ages because I (like many of the other customers) thought that the average tip was 10 to 15% (I generally tip between 15 to 20% as I love to pay for good service)

I love eating out but more so, eating in (Room service)

When I travel, I make sure the hotel has room service, especailly 24 hour service.

While on vaction I don't want to have to adhere to the rules and times of the resort i'm at, hell I paid good money to be there, why should I have to? I generally do all inclusive resorts but still tip EVERYDAY for meals, drinks at the bar and housekeeping. The brochures always say "tipping is not permitted" but who the hell is stopping you??? Not the workers who probably look forward to the tips! I figured out that my last trip cost me about $500 per day at this 4 star resort (I've been to better--it was nice, but not all that) Anyway. it annoys me sometimes when they "expect you to tip"; I mean it's my prerogative whether or not I do so, this is why we do all-inclusive vacations so we don't have to carry money around. I've even heard comments like "well you rich American I just a poor worker" from a guy Who owned a store I went to buy a souvenierfrom, where he owed me $5 change and wouldn't give it to me (flucker).

I scrape togehter money or have the government tax me as if I'm single at a higher rate so I get a larger sum back at the end of the year and use that money for vacation--I couldn't save it any other way.

So basically I am your average Joe who lives paycheck to paycheck, i just indulge once a year for vacation.

That was the Dominican. In Mexico, I tipped houekeeping everyday, mind you it wasn't a large sum (between $2 and $5.00 and $10 on the last day as my room was always neat and nothing got stolen-I also left a new pair of leather sandals that I hadn't worn, i figured someone could get use out of them) So it added up to about $20.00. To my surprise upon check out, someone (who else could it be) had made long distance phone calls from our room to freaking Texas and they were trying to stick me with the bill. It was not my bunk mate as we went to breakfast at the same time togehter everyday and the calls were made during that time!!! You little flucking ingrate!!

As far as restaurants are concerned, I hate shitty service and that is one of my biggest pet peeves!!

I'm not asking you to kiss my azz and compliment me (you don't have to say anything outside of "Are you ready to order" and what would you like")

Just be courteous, swift and not rude!! You opted to take that damn job, maybe you had to, I don't know.

I promise to tip you well , I swear, but don't roll up to my table with an attitude just because I ask you for a clean freaking fork, come on, would you eat off of a fork with dried egg on it?

I always pay attention when it's time to pay the bill just so the waiter/waitress doesn't get a crappy tip, especially if I want to frequent that restaurant again.

Believe me, I got chu!!

............although I had to stop going to a particular restaurant on route 17 in Jersey for a minute because the waiter was stalking us for the tip and then got loud (in Korean/Chinese, not sure which) because my other compadres walked out without leaving one.

The only part we understood was "Everytime #$@ %$# &^%$" He was a jerk and I would have left a good tip but he was hovering to see what we would leave, he made me uncomfortable and that was the third time he did it

(he was trying to punk me--I couldn't have that!! He had already punked me twice in the past for a better tip).

The average soda and buffett is like $7.00 so I figured $1 per person, sometimes one extra just because.. it's a freaking Buffet, bitch, I served my damn self, you brought over a freaking soda with ice!!
Calm the fluck down with your "Everytime"
He's still there and when we go back, we look for him and say "there goes Everytime"
I like to avoid him as I don't want spittle in my ice (Big up to Ms Seally from the Color Purple)

CHRONICLES of Ridicule (Part I)

2005-07-21T16:02:00.000-04:00

Let me give you the scoop

courtesy of Yahoo

"Hello, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your TPS reports. Yeah. Uh, did you get that memo?

"Yeah. The coversheet. I know, I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it."

"Yeah. I got the memo. And I understand the policy. The problem is, I just forgot this one time. And I've already taken care of it so it's not even a problem anymore."

"Yeah. It's just that we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports *before* they go out now. So if you could just remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right!"

So he pulls us all in a "quickie" (please familiarize these terms since they play an essential part to this story) meeting. We go in but half-heartedly. What could he possibly tell us? He doesn't even know how to use our system. If he can sign on we would be proud of him (well slightly, it's like giving hungry people knives......they will envision you on a roll or roasting spit).

The meeting was to throw an idea on the table for

opinions

on the option to keep our current corporate hours or get the choice to come in midday and leave at an ungodly hour when most people are sleeping, sexing or drinking(yeah okay).

SILENCE(pretend to give it consideration).........ummmm NO.

(Summer) School Bus Drivers

2005-07-21T12:31:00.000-04:00

Move bus!

courtesy of Google

There are nice school bus drivers who keep our children safe and get them to school in one piece. I like them. then there are the OTHERS!!!

I understand why one must stop for a stopped school bus--it's a safety issue. But once that damn brat is safely ON THE BUS, reel in the freaking stop sign and let me pass!!! WTF??

They are already on the damn bus, what in the hell am I waiting for?

Is there a possibility that they might bolt like Sea Bisquit out the back of the bus through the emergency exit and into the street?? Unless they are psycho, I don't believe so. These drivers are sadistic and power hungry and love to have us at their beck and call. I must have waited for atleast 2 or 3 minutes. Not a long time, you say?? It's not if you are waiting for popcorn to pop or if you are waiting for the teller to send back the cannister with your hard earnings in it. That's pretty reasonable......but what if you had to hold your breath for 3 minutes?!!! you know that in that amount of time you could have:

gotten out of your car
strapped little johnny in your damn self
got back in your car and driven away!!!!!

He just sauntered up to the bus as if he were walking up the red carpet and had all damn day and no one was waiting on his azz!! but I don't blame him(totally), I blame the driver.

I loooooove the (regular) bus drivers in my neighborhood (no homo)!! (Big up to Gwen and Barbara Ann) they close the doors immediately after little johnny or Sara gets on the bus and sometimes drive away as the kids are wlaking towards their seat (you little monkeys better learn to be quicker) is this safe? probably not.. but they haven't injured any of my brats yet!! The regular drivers on my kids' route get a gift for Christmas and another one at the end of the year!!

Keep it moving you other fluckers!!!

Velma's in the house!!

2005-07-20T16:34:00.000-04:00

Do me a favor......
Originally uploaded by mealone.

Thanks for the invite ladies!! I've gots lot's to talk about. Can we talk about the condom wrapper I found on the floor in the conference room at work??? Who is gettin' busy at work?? Why would you run the risk of getting caught??

A STORY ABOUT A MAN'S EGO

2005-07-14T21:51:00.000-04:00

A couple of months ago a bunch of friends and I went to this club. one of my friends brought one of his friends who we will call chewy. we were all hanging out and chillin. well chewy decides to ask my friend to take a walk to his car for some smoke and talk. the smoking ended and chewy decides to take his penis out of his pants and show it to her. WHAT?? she was not asking for that. she took one look at it and said so. he was acting like he was really proud of it or something. she told him it was NOTHING impressive and his reaction.... "well its cold outside". ok we all know what happens to men when its cold out but c'mon did you have to whip it out in the middle of your car?? no thanks! next time leave it where it belongs and you will not have to make up excuses as to why it was nothing she wanted to hop right onto.

No jump off

Word of the Day

2005-06-29T16:52:00.000-04:00

flove

Relationship Guidelines

2005-06-29T00:03:00.000-04:00

I was doing some research on relationships today ( of course) and found this. Hope it helps some of us single people out there to finally catch the one we want and be able to keep em.

What Men Need to Know: The Woman's Point of View

1. The most important thing is being sensitive and romantic in your words and action. Please don't fake your emotions and say things you don't mean.

2. Please listen to what she is saying. Most of the men never try to know what a woman wants because they never listen attentively. Don't take your girl for granted.

3. DO build her trust by being faithful and truthful, and always "being there."

4. Spend time together, cuddling, kissing and learn to enjoy foreplay and learn about her body and erogenous zones instead of jumping to the real thing.

5. Never expect or demand sex.

What Women Need to know: The Man's Point of View

1. Do take the initiative instead of expecting him to be the one to initiative first always.

2. Try to accept him without judgment.

3. If you are still dating don't expect him to profess his love for you so soon.

4. DON'T push him into a commitment or an exclusive relationship.

5. Don't take everything personally

6. Don't always expect him to apologies to you.

7. DO let him withdraw once in awhile; understand his need to be alone, to take things slowly, or to have a night out with the guys.

I am watching OZ and LOVING it............ as usual!

2005-06-22T23:06:00.000-04:00

As a response for my counter part's post I say that all the good men are in jail. If they are up for parole they are usually starting to rot at that point. When released we get the down trodden, rotted, mince meat, head cheese part of men. Nothing really worth anything but bought by some who are just so desperate they will deal with this kind of man.

If you bother to watch one of the best shows on earth (OZ) you would see the benefits of having a man in jail...........

1.) You can brag that you got a man but can still be on the hunt for a new one.

2.) You don't have to worry about "the other woman"

3.) He will not be watching your every move.

4.) You can still go out to clubs and not worry about him fighting the guy u were dancing with.

5.) You can contact all your "OLD" boys.

6.) The kids get free aide from the state "family first card" (food stamps).

Men....where are you?

2005-06-17T00:03:00.001-04:00

Since my partner in crime feels that im not exsistent i thought i would do a quick post tonight.

Topic: Men

This seems to be the theme of mealone and moosh's blog. lets start by saying for us they have been non-existent(well atleast nothig to brag about or bring home to the family). where are you boys hiding? remeber those things called dates? when was the last time you had one? the clostest thing to a date you can get these days are "hook-up's" or jump-off's"...so ladies take your pick? i feel like every time i walk into a bar its the same people. nothing ever seems to jump out and grab me (literally)! theres always the online dating scene but honestly i can't get into it. i would end up meeting a stalker or someone with some type of disgusting fetish. this is just the luck i have. so ladies what are we suposed to do...wait until we are 40 and just marry for the sake of marrying??? so my suggestion is we need to ban together to get back the dating scene. dinner and a movie sounds good to me.

1 Girl 3 blogs and a Selfish BLOGGER!!!!

2005-06-16T21:39:00.000-04:00

Has anyone seen the Moosher? We where supposed to do this Blog together and so far she is more interested in her daily routine, her blog and the only thing she has posted is:

Jason Lewis
Mikhai Pfeifer

2 half naked men ! That's it! What the freak is she working on that she is soooooooooo busy she can't be bothered with OUR blog?

2005-06-07T15:40:00.000-04:00

It's raining men

2005-06-07T15:14:00.000-04:00

Larenz Tate- One of the Handsomest Men in the world. Great Actor. Such a Cutie. Virgo man.

I need to meet this man

2005-06-06T22:31:00.000-04:00

I think he could be my future husband. Hmm we are both capricorns...can this work?

mekhi
Originally uploaded by mooshy1229.

Jason Lewis

2005-06-06T22:12:00.000-04:00

jason lewis 2
Originally uploaded by mooshy1229.

he's a hottie. I mean what else can we say but we would love to be in bed with this one.

2005-06-02T16:26:00.000-04:00

That's us!

2 Girls and a Blog

2005-06-02T16:04:00.000-04:00

2 Girls and a Blog

The beggining of a great partnership

2005-06-02T15:32:00.000-04:00